Family Court - A Lesson in Hopelessness...Sean Delevan

Family Court – A Lesson in Hopelessness

by Sean Delevan

The uncertainty and pain of being labeled and designated as a “non-custodial” parent can be as painful as being a parent whose child has died. At least in death, there is a definitive process that allows a person to recover from the severe emotional trauma that occurs from losing a family member or loved one.

The family court process is perhaps the cruelest form of torture that can be placed upon a person. A person caught in the web of family court will be forced to relive and suffer the feelings associated with death a thousand times over, while at the same time falsely believing and holding onto hope that they will eventually be re-united with their child.

It is this belief that keeps parents from going totally postal while they are forced to suffer repeatedly. Not wanting to jeopardize their chances of re-unification with their child, the non-custodial parent will subject themselves to years of degrading, abusive, and psychologically damaging sanctions and proceedings in the family court system.

 What the parents do not know is that they will never make any progress other than what the family court is intentionally allowing to occur. The parents are led to believe that they are one court hearing closer to meeting all the demands and ransoms that are being imposed by the courts. They have lost all ability to see the writing on the wall that is clearly indicating that they are nothing more than a tool that is being used to generate endless revenue for the system.

There is nothing that transpires in family court that is not planned. No matter what angle or argument is presented before the court, the outcome is already determined. I have seen countless parents convinced that the evidence that they were going to provide or introduce would turn the tide or change the way the story ends. What they failed to realize is that the end has already been determined regardless of what happens.  Unless of course, there is bribery involved.

To understand how it is possible to predetermine a family court case no matter what the facts are, it is important to understand that there are always multiple endings to the story. It is similar to a DVD that has multiple or alternate endings. While there are variations to the how the DVD movie ends, it still enables the main context of the story not to be changed.

Another way to understand how easy it is to manipulate and determine the outcome of family court cases is to picture someone telling you that they are going to get you to enter a cubicle whether or not you want to. Of course the cubicles would represent one of the many excuses or reasons to justify the pre-determined family court ending. This ending of course, usually consists of one parent being delegated to visitor status in the lives of their child. Before I digress too far, let’s get back to the cubicle analogy.

Over each cubicle is a word or label that all the actors and actresses in the show are guiding you towards without your knowledge. While the parent believes they are moving forward in their case to be re-united with their child, they are unaware that everyone involved in the process is actually seeking something else. You see, everyone involved in the case, even the parents own attorney, are helpless and unable to change the way the story ends. The parent’s attorney already knows before you ever step into the courtroom how the story is going to end. The attorney may put up the appearance of fighting for you but he will not say or do anything that can jeopardize the final ending.

If they were to try and change the ending that has already been determined, they will not only be banned from any future performances, but they are jeopardizing their law license and even possibly their life. There is zero tolerance for any deviation from the script.

There are so many arguments and reasons to strip a child from a parent in the eyes of family court that it is ridiculous. Sticking with the cubicle analogy though, let’s look at a couple of basic and frequently used tactics. If family court can get you to step into the angry cubicle, then they can justify taking away your rights by saying that you may be a danger to your child. If they can get you to step into the abusive, paranoid, mentally unstable, and dangerous cubicles, they can just as easily achieve their objective as well.

Now anyone who has dealt with the excessive delays and frustrating family court system is already aware how easy it is to allow your emotions to come out during family court proceedings. While the parent is fighting for the child that they love, the family court professionals could not give a crap about the relationship, your finances, or your child. This in itself is enough to get any parent to emotionally react. If you dare to complain about the system, then you have just stepped into the paranoid cubicle. If you become emotional at the fear of losing your child, you have just entered the emotionally unstable cubicle. God forbid you show a hint of anger, you will probably never have access to your child again.

Again, the reality of the situation is that your case was lost long before you stepped into any of the traps or cubicles that family court is trying to push you into. If somehow you manage to keep your cool and remain focused and determined, then the family court officials will simply make something up or will allow the opposition to move forward with a totally bogus allegation. Eventually, after putting up with years and years of this nonsense, the parent usually comes to the realization that there is nothing that they can actually do to change the situation.

It is quite often at this point that either anger or severe emotional instability sets in. The feeling of hopelessness and despair often hits the individual like a wrecking ball. Even if the case is over and the parent walks away, the courts will have a winning argument again. The custodial parent can claim that the other parent never cared; as evidenced by the parent quitting or walking away. If the parent fights back and gets involved in advocacy, then the “bitter” or “paranoid” label can be applied.

When the stakes are so high, it is impossible to tell someone that there is no sense in fighting, when in reality that is the only thing that is probably keeping them from going insane. At the same time, how can any of us who have been victimized by this brutal and cruel system actually let someone believe that they will have a chance of obtaining different results, while knowing they are headed for endless pain and torment?

Family Court, and the family court process, is perhaps the absolute cruelest of systems that has ever been implemented. Each and every day, parents are victimized, children are devastated, and the professionals that make their living destroying the lives of families just go about their business as if there is nothing wrong with their actions.

Then again, when you have a system that not only encourages and grants immunity for these actions, but also financially rewards this conduct, is it any surprise?