In short, they are literally displaying many of the signs of an addict.
An addict will do whatever is necessary to ensure that they get another fix, or another drink. The person engaging in Parental Alienation is no different. They are willing to lie, harm, manipulate, slander, and attack anyone or anything that might risk exposing their actions. Unfortunately, this includes waging war upon their own children's feelings of love for the non-custodial parent.
In a previous post, I listed some of the common characteristics and behaviors that are common forms of abuse that a parent who is suffering from PAS will engage in. Their inability to see the harm that they are doing to themselves, to their former spouse, and to their children is simply unbelievable.
Then again, as someone who had a history and first-hand experience with substance abuse, it is rather easy for me to comprehend how a person can become so fixated on a single goal, that they are willing to destroy themselves, their family, and even place their children in harms way.
So how does a parent, who brought forth a child into the world with another parent, begin to develop the thoughts and beliefs that it is acceptable to lie, abuse, and engage in behaviors that not only do great harm to everyone in their life, including their children, but to themselves as well?
I have long argued that when a parent enters and engages in the Family Court process, that they are immediately bombarded with advice from lawyers and family court professionals that encourage them to violate their morals, standards, and ethical beliefs. There is nothing that is off limits in this process. Instead of addressing an issue based upon personal beliefs, the individual is simply told that "you may lose your child" or "you may be harmed" if you do not do this or that.
Any hesitation or second thoughts by the individual will be negated by the assurances that they will not be held responsible for their actions; even if they are blatantly fraudulent and baseless claims. What quickly begins to develop with the individual is that they separate themselves from the actions that they are committing.
They simply justify their actions through the use of rationalizations and false premises such as:
- My attorney advised me
- I have to protect my family
- I will do anything to ensure the safety of my child
- He/She may do the very same thing to me
What is lost in all of this is the fact that the individual is sacrificing and eliminating all their personal and moral beliefs. The lawyer that is advising the person to lie, manipulate, and deceive is simply doing what they have been asked to do; win the case.
The moral responsibility is not waived because someone assures you that you can violate everything you believe in to win a case. That is similar to the devil stating that it is ok to engage in sin, because God will not catch it. The decision to bring harm upon another individual, as well as your own children, is ultimately on that individual.
It cannot be blamed upon the court, it cannot be blamed upon the lawyer, and it cannot be explained away by further deceptions and lies. I can almost see the devil laughing at such a ridiculous explanation.
What do you mean I repeatedly engaged in sin...(individual)
You repeatedly lied....(Devil)
But I did what I had to do to win.... (individual)
But you knowingly hurt your former spouse, when they were not a threat.... (Devil)
But my lawyer told me it was ok... (individual)
But the lawyer works for me....ha ha ha ....(devil)
But they told me it was ok, I din't know....(individual)
But you knew you were lying, you knew you were turning your back on what God believes in, you did it over, and over, and over again.....(Devil)
But he, But She, But the courts, But the lawyer, But, But, But,...(individual)
So, that is problem number 1. We teach our children that it is not ok to lie, to hurt others, to cheat, to steal, to go against what God teaches us, but somehow this does nto apply to your ex spouse?
Do you not see how stupid of an argument and reasoning that is?
But the lawyer told..... But the courts......
Yeah, Yeah, we heard that already.....
The problem with Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), is that it is just like addiction. The addict will see and live for nothing but the drug or the drink. They lose all capacity to see the destruction that is a direct result of their addictions.
While society often frowns upon addicts as simply being "weak minded" or "defective", the truth of the matter is that they have lost their capacity and ability to determine what is right and wrong. They have lost touch with their higher power, their spirituality, and their values.
The addict cannot see or acknowledge that they are hurting others. They simply need and want more substances to function.
With the addict, the conversation with the devil is exactly the same. The only difference is that the individual has sold their soul for the next hit or drink.
The second major problem or "enabler" of PAS, is the unwillingness of family, community, neighbors, and society to not step forward and simply say:
- Hey, what you are doing is wrong
- You are harming your children, while proclaiming to have morals and values
- You are deliberately lying and harming your ex, while proclaiming you are at one with God
- You are either a liar or a hypocrite, or both...
- Why do you not seek to unify, instead of destroy?
- Why are you seeking to harm, instead of to heal?
- Do you think that you will not be accountable because a lawyer told you it was ok?
- What will your children think when they find out everything you have done?
- Could you possibly stand before your savior and even begin to justify your actions?
Until an individual realizes that they have sacrificed and disregarded everything that they claim to value, they will never find the peace and harmony that all humans long for. What they are likely to experience instead is anxiety, fear, regret, apprehension, guilt, and a host of negative emotions.
There cannot be any true emotional and spiritual happiness within an individual when their life and actions are revolved around scheming and planning on how to harm another individual. Even families and people who have suffered a family member being killed have often come to a point where they have to forgive the killer.
Even they realize, there is no inner peace, when their is hatred or a need for revenge.
Parental Alienation is so similar to drug addiction that it needs to be addressed. It is very easy to stick your head and in the sand and say:
- We best not get involved
- There must be more to the story
- They are doing what they have to do to get ahead
- Yeah, we know that our neighbor, family member, friend, is lying and harming another individual, as well as their children, but it is none of our business.
There are aften complaints heard about rising gang numbers, and societal decline. A person does not need to look much further than a typical family court situation where the whole family unit is utterly decimated because they have been convinced that selling out their beliefs and morals is acceptable by a lawyer.
And while the family is in ruins, the devil is preparing a special seat for his buddy who has done such a great job in rounding up some more recruits...
That special someone....
You guessed it..
The Family Court Lawyer who is counting his hard earned money that was earned by encouraging you to bring harm, hurt, and suffering on all those around you
Sean Delevan
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