Parental Alienation Checklist...Sean Delevan

Having attended and ran parenting workshops that focused on the harms that Parental Alienation has upon children and parents alike, I find myself often contemplating upon how a parent can stoop to such horrific levels of abuse while convincing themselves and the child that they are only engaging in these behaviors "for their own protection".

As we see more and more liberties and freedom taken away from us in todays society, it is very often under the same false pretense of "to keep you safe" or "for your protection" that these actions are allowed to happen.

Amy Baker is a renowned psychologist that has written and dedicated much of her professional career to Parental Alienation and how it is an abusive and destructive behavior. Her workshops and writings often reflect some of the common steps that the abusing parent will force their child to endure. Of course it is only for "their protection" that the child is asked to:

• Spy on the non-custodial parent
• Keep secrets from the non-custodial parent
• Lie to the non-custodial parent
• Ignore the boundaries and rules that are set by the non-custodial parent

And so on.....

It is horrific that the child who is being subjected to Parental Alienation has no idea that they are being used and manipulated due to an illness that is coming from the custodial parent. The parents illness becomes the child's illness. The fears that were nonexistent with the child are replaced by a sense of danger and anxiety due to the overbearing and obsessive parent who is encouraging them to:

• Call a stepparent their Dad or Mom
• Call the Biological parent who is non-custodial by their name
• Skip Visits
• Report what took place on visits
• Record another parent while on a visit

And so forth.....

When the abused child gets older and they develop the critical thinking skills and understanding that they have been encouraged and manipulated to harbor hatred, fear, and anxiety towards a loving and caring parent based upon the feelings and hatred of the custodial parent, it is almost certain to lead to extreme emotional and developmental difficulties.

Quite often, the abusing parent has become so wrapped in their delusional, compulsive, and obsessive behaviors, that they become fixated at validating these behaviors at any cost. If they are stating that they only acted in order to "protect" the child and themselves, they will often go to great lengths to convince themselves, their child, and others that a real danger exists, even if it means acting out and creating the circumstances and danger themselves.

I once heard a saying that was something to the effect of "Give me 4 years to teach a child, and I will be able to mold them into whatever shape that I wish".

To the child that is being "molded" by a parent who is suffering and engaging in Parental Alienation, this is a nightmare of epic proportions that will take years of counseling and coaching to overcome. 

When I first became exposed to the list of common Parental Alienation techniques that are used, I was hit with a sense of dread so severe that I was overcome with sadness and grief due to the fact that almost every single one was used to manipulate the mind of one of my boys.

But of course, this was only to "protect" them from all the Love and happiness that they shared with me, as well as to ease the "confusion" that my child supposedly suffered as a result of having me present in their life.

It is very common that when a child loves a non-custodial parent and they are being subjected to Parental Alienation, they are told that they are just "confused" and "unaware" of the dangers that they have to be protected from. Again, more often than not, the dangers are figments of the abusing parents imagination and have no basis in reality or facts.

For those who are not familiar with the Parental Alienation checklist of frequent destructive and abusive behaviors that are often thrust upon a child, I have listed them below. The checklist that is listed comes from Dr. Amy Baker, a leading expert in Parental Alienation.

If you know someone who is engaging in these behaviors, it is important to understand how much of an impact this has upon an impressionable young mind. Children are taught to love, trust, and listen to their parents. It is for this reason that when a child is manipulated and subjected to Parental Alienation that they will almsot certainly suffer as a result.

Sean Delevan

Parental Aliention Situations - Dr. Amy Baker from "I don't Want to Choose"

Situation 1: One parent looks sad, angry, or hurt when you leave to be with the other parent 

Situation 2: One parent asks you to spy on the other parent 

Situation 3: One of your parents says mean and untrue things about the other parent 

Situation 4: One parent allows you to choose whether to spend time with the other parent 

Situation 5: One of your parents doesn't want you to have pictures of your other parent 

Situation 6: One parent refers to the other parent by first name rather than saying "Mom" or "Dad" 

Situation 7: One of your parents suggests to you that you move in with him or her 

Situation 8: One of your parents ignores or puts down the rules and authority of your other parent 

Situation 9: One of your parents tells you that the other parent is dangerous 

Situation 10: A parent calls your stepparent "Mom" or "Dad," and suggests that you do the same 

Situation 11: One of your parents tells you that the other parent doesn't love you anymore 

Situation 12: One parent interferes with your communication with the other parent 

Situation 13: One parent asks you to keep secrets from the other parent 

Situation 14: One parent doesn't include the other parent's contact information on your school and athletic information forms 

Situation 15: One parent gets annoyed or angry if you pay attention to the other parent 

Situation 16: One parent changes your name to exclude the other parent 

Situation 17: One parent tells you private and personal things about the other parent 

ps - I was going to place a check next to those that have been validated as 100% taking place in my situation, until I realized that I would have to check just about all of them.

Again, there will come a time when a child will develop the critical thinking skills to understand what was truly done to them. If you, or someone you know is engaging in any of these steps, or all of these steps for that matter, it is never too late to stop the insanity.

If not for yourself, do it for your child. Sooner or later, the harm that you have done is going to be exposed. The simple line of "I only did it to protect you", is not going to fly.

Especially when the child's memories, as well as the facts, show a totally different story.

May God give you the strength to face your demons, for it is He who knows what truly motivates and lies within your heart. For you may fool others, but you are fool to think you will fool the Almighty   

Sean Delevan


ps:  

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